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It’s Me. Hi. I’m The Problem. It’s Me.
A rundown of some of my various bullshit personally and professionally.
I spend a lot of time writing about stuff like masculinity and infertility, and sometimes I get popped by people like “Why would anyone care about your take on these things? You’re not a public intellectual.” I am not. I’m not a thought leader either. That’s completely fair. I honestly mostly am a slightly above-average blogger who tries to be truthful and offends a lot of people in the process, and/or creates indifference. I’m also probably an asshole. Here is why I generally write about those types of things:
- I’m not very good at professional jobs. I’ve had some real wins, some real losses, some promotions, and some bad decisions. I guess I just described most people but I often feel “imposter”-y and like I have no real accomplishments relative to age. Right now I’m just working some small contracts and not generating much income.
- I can’t get my wife pregnant.
You add (1) and (2) and I’m essentially, in the eyes of modern biology, social theory, capitalism, and finance … not really a dude.
So hi. It’s me. I’m the problem. It’s me.
Let me articulate on this a little bit more. Maybe it’ll help a few people out somehow. I dunno.
My problem: The pregnancy shit
I cannot tell you how heartbreaking it is to essentially be on the planet to do one or two or three things, and seemingly not be able to do one of the biggest. It weighs on you virtually every hour, if not every day. I would guess my boys don’t do their job because I should be healthier and I’ve had prolonged bouts of drinking too much. Now, I also know multi-time marathoners who did IVF six times. So, it’s not a perfect science. But it’s my problem, and I’m trying to get that family somehow. It’s important for women to carry, writ large (if that’s something they are interested in). I’m trying to “solve” this one, ideally without going $100,000 deep in debt, but right now I don’t know what the “answer” is.
