How To Be A Fat F*ck, And Annoying, And Still Get Laid

It is possible, young Jedi. I can endeavor to explain.

This post, which might be good or entirely cringe-worthy, came about at the intersection of two concepts:

1. Last week, someone I was talking to who is a “big deal” here on Medium said, “The site could use some more how-to content for things people are uncomfortable openly discussing.” Nodding.
2. About 11–12 years ago, in Vegas at a bachelor party, a then-decent friend of mine (the last time we had a longer discussion at this point was 17 months ago) told me, in a beautiful half-praise/half-insult moment that underscores so many male friendships: “You really do pull some quality ass, all things considered.”

If you can ignore the “quality ass” comment and realize we were day-drunk in Vegas when he said that to me, we can now move on.

When he said it, I was actually dating my ex-wife, who I would personally classify as “attractive.” I am sure many chuds online could find reasons to call her “mid,” as you can find with almost any woman ever created under the image of God, but I’d go ahead and say she was solid. That relationship didn’t work out, for various and sundry reasons including my own problems, but still. All good there.