The Giant Lie Behind Self-Care (With Some Video)
“Self-care” in the happy hour, Mani/Pedi, walk with a friend context is great. Where it gets tricky is the “I am prioritizing self-care” concept whereby you essentially remove people from your life who might need some help. This can be friends, former friends, former lovers, co-workers, etc. It’s very common with those with addictive tendencies, whose behaviors may annoy you — and thus, to “prioritize self-care,” you want to remove them from your world. I totally get it, and that’s obviously your prerogative.
And yet, many of those people are that way because of genetics — but also very much because they don’t feel connected to others. I can tell you very openly that I often drink to feel seen. I can tell you that I’ve often downed 10 IPAs on a random Wednesday because I don’t feel connected to others. So when people abandon me and give me the reason of “I had to prioritize my self-care,” it feels paradoxical.
Are there some occasions whereby I deserved to be kicked to the curb? Absolutely — as a co-worker, employee, and friend. Is it as many times as it’s actually happened? Not at all.
We hide behind self-care to avoid the hard work of life, and the hard work of life (especially around relationships) is where all the growth takes place.
I’d argue we need to stop:
