Why Am I So Fucking Angry All The Time?

An investigation into self.

I’ve been trying to figure this one out for any number of years. I don’t have the complete answer, but I feel like I have some of the answer. Here goes:

1. I’m infertile and cannot get my wife pregnant, which seems to be the only thing most women still want from a man. All around me, I see derpy-ass guys knock up their wives three times in five years, and then complain about having to make a PBJ sandwich. I feel like a complete and utter failure, and that I’ve failed as a dude. Anger.
2. I drink too much periodically. That’s a depressant. It can spiral you into anger as well.
3. I have no discernible professional arc anymore. I didn’t mind teaching (right out of college), and I loved ESPN for a while. Ever since then, I’ve been floating and meandering and generally useless. Currently I bartend, but next week I’m only assigned to one shift. I’ll make about $115 next week total.
4. I’ve been writing for years and years, but I can’t seem to get much traction with it. No one really wants to pay me to write. I tried a Substack and landed with a whopping three paid subscribers. I guess that’s more than zero.
5. I don’t feel like I have many friends or close relationships. I felt like I had some, and they moved away from me…