“Nine Months From Tonight:” Evolving The Fertility Discussion

It’s probably time.

At this point, I bet I’ve been to 65 weddings, if not more than that. I’ve been to first weddings, second weddings, third weddings, weddings of basically teenagers, weddings of 50somethings, etc. I’ve been to weddings when I was young and theoretically more virile, and I’ve been to weddings since I’ve been on the whole infertility arc. I’ve been to weddings with probably four separate women as dates, including two spouses. I’ve even been in some weddings. I wouldn’t say 65 is a world record by any stretch, but I’ve been to a bunch.

Almost invariably, relative to age of bride, someone at the wedding — usually the bride’s manager at work, or an older generation — says “What do we think, ladies? Nine months from tonight?” This, of course, implies honeymoon sex that leads to a first child (presumably).

For many years, this was the norm, especially in Post-WW2 times. We didn’t discuss infertility and miscarriages then — we barely discuss them now — but a lot of norms were different around women and their role in the home and society (not as different from now either, for better or worse). Even into people getting married in the early 2000s, I think the presumption was still that if the couple wanted kids, the kids would arrive pretty much quickly and…