“My Husband Turns 37 Tonight. Guess I Gotta F*ck.”

Fun with gender dynamics.

Ted Bauer
3 min readJul 31


I get very confused about gender dynamics and relationship dynamics almost constantly, which shouldn’t be that surprising if you consider that I am divorced and remarried — and, like most 40-something males, I don’t have a ton of friends swirling around me. I have no idea what I’m doing in most relationships, which might explain why I write about relationships and friendships constantly. It’s an effort to explain some of the stuff I cannot seem to grasp. I just psychoanalyzed myself. Should I now bill myself $200 for this hour?

About two years ago, I was at some social event. I think it was related to horses because of where I live. About five feet over from me, there was a table of women in their 30s. I knew two of the seven, and maybe four of the seven’s husbands. I am not really “friends” with any of them. They mostly come from this community described here:

One lady gets up and loudly announces to her girlfriends/mom friends:

“Well, (name of husband) turns 37 tonight. Guess I gotta go home and fuck.”

Admittedly this is one statement by one woman in one town at one moment in history, but it was still kinda impactful to me for a few reasons:

  • If it was his birthday that day — and in this specific case I do know they have children — why was she at this thing and not spending time with him and their kids?
  • Why is having sex with your husband a chore? (I know for many it is.)
  • Why is it a prerequisite on a birthday?
  • Why was it said with such resignation and an eye roll, and elicited laughter from the other ladies there?

I guess this moment resides at the intersection of two themes: the first is the “Quiet Quitting” of marriages.



Ted Bauer

Mostly write about work, leadership, friendship, masculinity, male infertility, and some other stuff along the way. It's a pleasure to be here.