Marriage Has Declined Because The “Sex For Stability” Model Is Outdated

Well, it’s one reason, if nothing else.

Ted Bauer
7 min readAug 13


Lots of societal hand-wringing of late about the decline of marriage. If you zoom out a bit, the divorce rate is actually decreasing in America, although it’s increasing for older people, the so-called “Silver Splitters,” which may indicate that people cannot hold a marriage together with semi-increasing life span (statistically, when you factor in COVID, I believe life span is actually decreasing for both genders over the last half-decade).

It is very hard to generalize or talk about marriage in the aggregate, because every marriage is very unique and they occur at the intersection of 900 different things, including:

  • How old you were when you met
  • Your attitudes about kids
  • Your attitudes about sex
  • Your professions and your goals therein
  • Your religious background
  • Where in America you live
  • Your familial history with divorce
  • Etc.

So again, it’s hard to discuss it in the aggregate, but we can semi-try a little bit here.

I watch this lady Pearl sometimes on YouTube. A lot of her stuff is insufferable, but periodically it’s interesting. Here’s a short:

In that one, she makes a binary argument about marriage:

  1. Men want sex.
  2. Women want stability.

Then she says 1 in 4 marriages are sexless. I’ve never seen that specific stat, but it wouldn’t surprise me.



Ted Bauer

Mostly write about work, leadership, friendship, masculinity, male infertility, and some other stuff along the way. It's a pleasure to be here.