IVF didn’t work, and I remain a 41 year-old, childless joke of a man

I thought this was potentially my shot. I honestly did. I’ve been getting birth announcements for 14 years now, and I’ve been getting told people can’t respond to me because they’re “so busy with the kids” for about 12 years. I was hoping I could enter BabyLand, finally. Alas, it seems like it will take more time. Not sure how long, or really what’s next, but the moment is depressing and overwhelming and it feels like, for probably the 4,181st time but the most real of all those times, I need to confront the idea that I’ll never be a dad. And honestly, maybe I don’t deserve it. Maybe all my problems with drinking and human connection are the reason this has been my course. Maybe this was never intended for me. And I might just need to own up to that.

There’s a million and five thoughts I have, but I don’t know how to organize them. So for now, well, let’s hope there’s some future for me, somehow or some way — and more importantly, for my wife.