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Adult Friendships: The “Tiers” Have To Match, Right?
Similar life stage is a big one, but also degree of or willingness to have friendships.
Personally I’m not always a very good friend, and I don’t think I have that many friends all-in, so I do write and think about this stuff a lot. Over time, I’ve come to a few conclusions, including that (a) I’m often a piece of shit and (b) I think a lot of adult friendships are essentially based on “similar life stage,” I.e. you see this guy at soccer practice for your kids a lot, so you start talking to him, and even though it takes you eight weeks to figure out his last name, now he’s your “friend.”
There’s also been a lot made in recent years about “the friendship recession,” and I think there are elements of truth to that. I think, as I saw one writer put it once, “a lot of people prioritize West Elm furniture over friendship,” and that does feel true. I think moreso what happens is life gets overwhelming with commitments and inflation and (maybe) kids and jobs and placating bosses and layoffs and commutes and the cost…
